return my video game
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your cock deserves a montage
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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