dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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