I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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