So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
