My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
