I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
