her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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