i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
