Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
