Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He passed out mid-signature
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
