Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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