Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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