We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry about my life...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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