So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
