Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
