More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
