whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
