don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
