There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
