going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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