roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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