also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize