I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
