then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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