I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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