I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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