so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
