Duck Duck Cougar?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
