Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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