he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
