I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize