Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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