Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
