my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
