I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
