New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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