i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
