Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
