And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
