I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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