I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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