It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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