I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the day after is always just damage control
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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