OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
