She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
