we made out on top of his cat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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