it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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