I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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