He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
