You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
