i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
