but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
