After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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