I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
