Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
