Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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