I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize