dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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