I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
