Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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