I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize