every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
