Im at strip club and am horny
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
