Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
