I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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