I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
