her vagine was all disorganized.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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