hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
