Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
