I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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