So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize