Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
